Marriage.
Ebbs and flows like an ocean’s tide.
Most times, you feel tight and strong and perfectly in sync.
Other times, you can’t remember who the person is sleeping beside you, let alone the last time you had a complete conversation. It feels so long & so busy since you’ve connected.
You focus on survival, getting the kids to the zillions of activities you stupidly signed them up for to keep them active & engaged. You both have pressures at work. You’re both just going and going and going at such a frenetic pace that you seem to just high five at the door as the next round begins.
It’s easy to be busy. To fail to appreciate the reasons behind why you decided a lifetime with this person. To keep going about your daily life. Day after Day.
Then there start hints of a desire and need to reconnect. Mentions of how long its been since you’ve been out together.
Marriage requires effort. You get out what you put in.
It doesn’t have to be huge effort but effort nonetheless is essential.
The other night I came home. Spent. I was ready to take care of the kids and get through a night of children’s stuff but then my lovely amazing stellar husband had organized a massage, a glass of wine and a bubble bath.
It started a trend. Today as I was out doing one of the thousand errands we have on our to do list, I started thinking of how I could come up with something special to let him know how much I appreciated the effort he had put in.
I drummed up a simple picnic on the floor of our living room, with memories of past moments (before children) when we had all the time in the world and hardly a care to deal with. I brought home flowers, wine, cheese, salami, olives and Tiramisu. All important food and drink that reminded us of those good times.
As I led him to the living room and surprised him with this little set-up, he started to laugh and then took me to a tray of menu items he had set up to surprise me in the kitchen. We sat there on the living room floor, laughing, conversing and catching up. We just sat in the present and embraced what the night brought our way.
It doesn’t matter how intricate the surprises were. All that matters is that we wanted to do something for each other. A simple gesture. The little things. Even after all these years, the idea of doing something romantic is what keeps our relationship alive.
So next time you think of how long its been since you have connected with your spouse, don’t worry about what you get. Worry about how you can show it.