Real Life

The shift in social – Taking a break

by Jenn & Chris on April 27, 2015

I desperately needed a commercial break from social media for awhile.

It started simple enough. I was away a few weeks back and couldn’t sleep. So naturally I started surfing FB feeds to catch up on what was going on with everyone.

And there it was.

In my feed was a video of a woman, holding a baby. The link bait title called it Mother From Hell. I won’t link it here because it doesn’t deserve to be spread any more.

The baby starts to cry and the woman starts violently slapping its face to make it stop crying. I couldn’t continue watching, the imagery made me physically ill. I quickly went on to another part of Facebook in search of rainbows or happy updates. Instead, I found another post of a security camera video in which a little child (like we are talking maybe 2 or 3) getting the shit kicked out of him by a grown adult. I started to cry. There were children getting hurt and yet the views on both were well in the millions.

I needed to get this imagery out of my head but as I scrolled again, I was struck. Struck by how angry, how entitled or simply how awful people were being online. How bitchy has become so part of the norm and mean posts tend to be the ones that go viral. Social media has become the Lord of the Rings scene when they predict what would happen to middle earth if evil took its reign. Because to me, that’s happening.

And all I could think was, when did it come to this?

I live in the this space. It’s something I normally am all too excited to share with everyone on the beauty, the connections and the merit of being involved in the social space..

Social media is great if it enlightens you, motivates you, helps you thrive creatively, give purpose.

This beautiful shoutout was found in a cafe in Granada, Nicaragua

But this shift in social… The judgement, the cesspool of content, the mean, the hate, the acceptance of things just so blatantly wrong has just got to stop.

I needed air.

You never know anyone’s full story.

It’s a mantra we have had in our house for awhile now. For us, it provides perspective and compassion on those days when we have none. It helps us seek a different angle of understanding in those moments when it seems impossible not to be full of anger or judgement.

In social, when you see what everyone else is doing, where everyone else is going, how they are excelling, you quickly take a pulse on yourself and question why you aren’t doing, going, excelling near as much as they are.

It creates a space of envy or jealousy but how on earth does that help you?

Yes we were climbing kili but do you see a place to go pee anywhere?

This is not the complete picture of someone else’s life and that social media is not a true expression of what life is like for any of us.

It is simply that sound bite that gets on TV.

It’s the highlight reel.

2% of someone’s life and yet so often we weigh ours against that? Why? How can you form an opinion when you don’t have the full story? WHY do you think it’s reasonable to have an opinion of someone else’s life in the first place?

Anger brings on more anger. Haters are gonna hate but you don’t need to lend your hand to that.

I am back in the world of social but doing it with caution. Finding and sharing only things that will lend itself to being kind, grateful, and nice.

After all, you never know anyone’s story.

Real Life

Whisky & Scotch – A family game #OKSpirits

by Jenn & Chris on March 25, 2015

Mom Says:

Scotch is deeply engrained in our family.

I have many fond memories of my dad coming in to say goodnight with a wee dram in his hand and a smile on his face. He takes his scotch quite seriously and would get such joy from offering me the glass. He would challenge me on what I could identify and which scotch he was entertaining for the evening. (I learned early on to hold on brushing my teeth until “after” the tastings since toothpaste and scotch mix as well as )

Scotch has been a piece of us for a long time, so much so that all the table names at our wedding were of scotches we loved.

So much so that our daughter’s middle is Islay, a well-known island in Scotland where one could arguably say hosts the homes of the best Scotches in the world.

That is, until we were asked to try out the special, lottery-only Laird of Fintry Scotch by Okanagan Spirits Craft Distillery.

The Laird of Fintry Single Malt sits beautifully in the middle of a scotch & whisky lovers dream. Single Malts like Lagavulin and Laphroig are peaty and often make you think you just smoked a cigarette. I HAVE to drink those with some water to dilute the burn that flows down your gullet. Others like GlenLivet and Macallan are sweet like honey or vanilla but for me can be too sweet…again water added.

I tried Laird of Fintry Neat (No ice and no water) and it was perfect. Smooth, easy on the throat and the best bonus to a warm fire.

The Laird is Canada's first craft Single Malt Whisky to win Gold at the World Spirits Awards. — The Laird is Canada’s first craft Single Malt Whisky to win Gold at the World Spirits Awards.

I had a chance to experience the Okanagan Spirits Craft Distillery first hand in Kelowna and enjoyed one of the best tasting experiences I have ever had when I was there. If you find yourself in Kelowna, or Vernon BC (they have a new location just opening) you HAVE to check these guys out..or simply go online and place an order. Free Shipping speaks well to a Scot.

Dad Says:

Some people marry into established families. Traditions and ceremonies are foremost. I know I did, and it has served me well to observe them.

I have had the occasion to drink good whiskies throughout my life. As a long-serving bartender, I could sample enough product to speak well of it tableside.

When I asked for Jenn’s hand, her dad grabbed a bottle of his favorite single malt to toast the occasion. It was a little after 10:30 am…but 5 o’clock somewhere I guess. It was higher end Islay malt, Lagavulin 18 yr, which to those new to the scene was a bit like standing in a smoldering fire drinking a magic elixer to counter the heat.

From that magical moment, I jumped on board single malts to experience something different.

Scotch drinkers fall into many categories, as do all people. There are the know-it-alls, the posers, the lovers, the abusers, and the middle ground, where I happily planted my roots. I can drink pretty much any whiskey and have an opinion, but will keep it all to myself until asked.

This brings us to the Laird of Fintry. If you don’t want my thoughts, feel free to google ‘what does…’and follow some surprising choices.

I liked it, plain and simple. It was smooth and full of flavour, lots of different things to focus on. It was not peated, so that takes out the ‘burnt dirt’ thing that pushes some people away from single malts. It is rich, and complex, but above all identifiable as its own entity. It is not pretending, or trying to be something it is not. Try it, I think you’ll agree. Or not, let me know.

We are supporting Okanagan Spirits Craft Distillery by hosting a Twitter Party to celebrate their recent wins at the World Spirit Awards. Join us Wednesday, March 25th @ 8PM EST to toast the successes of a Canadian owned Craft Distillery in their groundbreaking wins. You can RSVP here for a chance to win gift cards to order some of this ridiculously amazing stuff.

#OKSpirits is celebrating!! Join us for the Twitter party for a chance to win

Family Matters

I’m Not Ready. Are you? #ManulifeReady

by Jenn & Chris on March 19, 2015

My dad is a smart egg. A very smart egg.

When I was 15 he very smartly gave me one of the best gifts I have ever received in my life.

He started an RRSP for me.

Amidst the eye rolls and heavy sighs, he would love to talk about RRSP’s. For him, its like watching the Weather Channel or calling over to our relatives in Scotland, it gives him great joy. He is proud of what he has saved over time (& so he should be) after growing up in a time where there was hardly any money around to have for the future.

I was a total teenager when he told me he had set this up.

Little did I know how much of an impact early savings would make

I didn’t realize the impact what he was doing for me would have an on my life. I didn’t realize that his conversations about RRSP’s would leave such a mark with me. All the discussions around contributing would be a reminder every year to do something. His starting the contributions then helps provide me some breathing space now. The topic that used to make my eyes get glossy and my attitude full of “OK I GOT IT DAD!!!”. Now I realize, I don’t “got it” and its something crucial to start tuning into for the future.

We are graced with two little ones. Children that will rely on us to help set THEM up as they grow up. To help get them to university and to be prepared for what comes next. I find it hard to be responsible for someone else when I barely feel responsible enough for myself.

You gotta admit..when they were this small you had no idea what was to come.

Our Challenge:

We don’t have a hot clue in hell what we actually NEED to be prepared for the FUTURE.

Do you?

I feel like as much as I know its important to be ready, we’re not. Our financial literacy is reasonable but not high. Our goals in terms of a retirement age hanging out over in left field because we simply have no idea when that will be or when it should be.

Here’s where we are at now:

We know its the right thing to do to put aside RRSP’s. So we do, but we have no idea what the right amount of contributions should go in every year.
We set-up RESP’s as soon as we got SIN numbers for the kids with payments that kick-in the government match program. We sincerely hope we will be on track. Those expected university costs in the future give me heart palpitations every time I read them.
We are not sure if our child with Autism will have the capacity to have a career or job so we have started an RDSP for him to protect him. The challenge is that its there for him when he is 60. I can’t help shaking my head that if one can’t get gainful employment as an adult, waiting till 60 won’t be the issue. But I digress.

We are feeling somewhat good about it all but not good enough.

When @Manulife’s #ManulifeReady program came about, at first I was taken aback by the series of commercials they were airing. They had an ominous feeling to THE RIDE, THE MEETING, THE CALL. Everyone I talked to felt uncomfortable with how serious or depressing they were.

But I get it.

Things can change at the drop of a hat. You just DON’T know.

@Manulife is asking you to consider those when you think about planning. About opening doors and which ones are important for you?

For us, we look forward to A RIDE (maybe at Disney?), A MEETING (that will lead to weddings in the future) or A CALL (…cause seeing the FINAL FOUR live is SOOO on our list).

Manulife is doing 2 cool events for this program.

The first:

A CHANCE TO WIN $2500 by simply posting a photo of a door that means something to you.

To join the conversation:

Post a photo on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram of a physical door in your past, present and/or future and tell Manulife why it’s important for you.
Use the hashtag #ManulifeReady
Post away.

The Second:

I am pumped to be hosting the #ManulifeReady Twitter Party at 9PM EST on Tuesday, March 24th with @Shasherslife @Manulife because I AM SERIOUSLY looking forward to better getting a grasp on what we need to do to be financially ready. And although I’m not eligible YOU ARE..& could win CASH PRIZES (Over $3000!!) to help get you going.

Are You Ready?

@Manulife Twitter Party - March 24th 9PM EST — @Manulife Twitter Party – March 24th 9PM EST

Healthy Living

My Maintenance Schedule for the Soul

by Jenn & Chris on March 10, 2015

Mom Says:

Everything in the world needs maintenance.

Cars need lube jobs, lawns need trimming, machines need oiling, anything with moving parts requires an element of attention.

The same could be said for the human body.

We need to take time to maintain this machine. To support it with the proper care, in order to keep running at optimal speed.

Yet, even though this machine carries us through the day, walking miles upon miles, working limbs and brain, pushing itself past limits of exhaustion we quickly forget that we need to DO something for it to right side.

And if you think investing in maintenance is expensive, wait till you have to repair…

I didn’t have the best of Februarys.

I was drowning. To try and find that harmony between the drive of business, the presence of motherhood and the support of being a spouse/friend was feeling impossible. Instead of doing well in one of them, I was lost in all.

And I was questioning if I was going to break.

We were supposed to head to Nicaragua together. The past months beyond hectic in both our work, the sun and beach calling our name. Last minute, Chris had to forgo the trip but he told me to go…and heal.

Restorative Yoga every night helped calm my brain before sleep

So I did. Taking a much needed “maintenance break” for my mind and my body. I realized while away, we need to do that more often. Sherry, a lovely friend I met on the trip talked a lot about being a better mom by coming home rested, relaxed and ready to take on the world. It was good advice and something I realized I needed to heed.

After a week of being unplugged, quiet and still I felt stronger and more present than I have in a long time. I was quiet. I was still. I laughed. I connected with other women. It was just what I needed.

Laughter & the Company of Women is probably one of the best remedies

I have started creating a maintenance schedule to figure out how to best take care of me.

After all, you spend money to maintain every part of your machines why wouldn’t you spend some on the most important one?

Nothing can be better for balanced health than yoga

Dad says:

It is interesting the way the body responds to stressors: Get in a fight, the adrenalin gets pumping. Get tired and you can fire up the neurons a bit to counteract. Hell, you can even go chemical and maintain the state through artificial means. The problem is, you can’t run on turbo mode for an extended period of time. After a while you need to gear down and get back to 0.

Jenn went through that. She was trying to do too much on her own, and it was dragging her down. She tried to counteract it by exercise and yoga, but even that was jammed in. I’m no yogi master, but I believe that that is not the right context for enlightenment…

So when she had a opportunity to get away, I pushed her to go. Original plan had me tagging along, but life gets in the way sometimes and she wound up flying solo. And honestly, it was better that way. She had an opportunity for an unencumbered reset, where she was able to do some girly things with the Pacific ocean as the backdrop to healing. I would have changed the dynamic, and maybe not for the better because… boys. So while I was away, Jenn was able to dig a little deeper and chip away more of the grime that life leaves on you. I can say that upon her return she is more balanced and ready to take on the day. I guess if anyone can say that then, hey, success huh?

Jenn went to Nicaragua with Dynamic Retreats to the beautiful eco-resort, El Coco Loco.

Real Life

I need to tell you something…

by Jenn & Chris on February 14, 2015

Dear Son,

I need to tell you something.

I need to tell you that there is a part of me that has been living behind a false smile for a few months now.

I need to tell you how much a simple school field trip ripped open my heart and has me completely unsettled. It created a surprisingly deep fear of what to expect in the years to come for you. The teacher who told me that we need to toughen you up? I get it. I understand where she’s coming from. She wants you to experience tough moments while still in such a kind-hearted school because these kids know you, they accept you and it will be so much easier to go there for shelter when you start experiencing the mean.

The teacher who suggested we might want to be open to HSP classes? I get that too. (you wouldn’t have known it when I burst into tears during the parent-teacher interview). Resources in our area are near stripped clean. Like a hyena on a zebra, there really is nothing left. The only way for you to continue excelling is with that amazing one on one help. Without it, you will not be able to stay focused enough to complete the task in the classroom and required to access the special needs room. I need to tell you we don’t want this to happen but recognize this might be the only way to keep you propelling forward.

I need to tell you I see warning signs everywhere. Peripherally. The strange stares as you hum or suddenly fling yourself on the ground, the frustration of friends as you get too close for comfort, the giggles of kids who don’t know you/don’t understand as they form a quick opinion of who you are.

I need to tell you that I am ready to go after anyone who might treat you differently or wrongly. I am like Ralphie in the Christmas Story creating scenarios of getting back at the bullies when it just…becomes…too….much.

I need to tell you I see your sister confused and angry because there is a slight difference in the way we treat both of you and I feel awful about that.

I need to tell you we are organizing a special session with our speech therapist to come and try to explain what Autism is to our friends.

But first…I need to tell you you have Autism.

I am dreading it.

I would like to say “Why fix what’s not broken” but I can’t. Things are different, they are changing and I would rather work with our friends to have their kids on our side than be the jerks who join in on the teasing or even eye rolls.

I would like to say how much I love that your heart is pure gold. Your kindness and generosity of spirit so beautifully innocent. You love unconditionally because to you, there is no other version of love. You take such pleasure in the simplest of gestures, the sweetness of a moment, you help remind me so often of truly focusing on what’s important cause to you, its just a beautiful sunset or intense excitement over the reason round of Super Mario.

I would like to say I got your back. And so do many others.

That we will get through these years and it might be tough. We don’t know the answers but we will always persevere cause as a family, we truly are a team.

With deepest love,

Mom

Healthy Living

In the Company of Women

by Jenn & Chris on February 10, 2015

I started off this post a few weeks ago ready to rail against the machine.

Awhile back, someone I hardly know took the time to share with me a thread that discussed me, my business and my friend in ways that were just well… shitty.

The nasty and ugly that purveys itself as the social norm irritates me to no end, especially when you see people you once respected had fallen down that rabbit hole of negativity.

When did it become so socially acceptable to cut people apart?

I didn’t give a shit what they had to say about me or even my business but they were tearing down a friend. Someone who jumped in when she knew I was drowning and helped me in a big big way. Someone I really respect and admire. Someone who didn’t deserve any of that.

I was ready to provide a sweet piece about my friend and how kick ass smart she is but then I realized, she doesn’t need that. Her friends know how generous she is with her time, the creativity that flows through her, and how big of a heart she has. She is one of the good eggs. Nuff said.

My daughter always points out Haters Gonna Hate. Let them. It’s a waste of energy & breath to care.

I would rather use this space to talk about the value of friendship & of the company of women I keep.

Over the past few weeks, I have had the good fortune of spending quality time with some really amazing friends. Adventures; Hi-jinx; Laughs abound- what they all had in common was that no matter what, I had a ton of fun and I know they all have my back.

Monster Laughs setting up for Bliss ROAM

Everyone needs a company of women. They aren’t just there when it’s sunny. They are there in the tough. They got you covered. Times of begging for a shoulder, an ear, a high-five, a cry, a giggle, a story, a Boo-ya or whatever your heart craves are sheltered by the power of these women in your world.

The strength of women together can be a most beautiful thing when the time is spent raising each other up vs tearing each other down.