How to Kon Mari Like a Mother ….

by Jenn & Chris on September 4, 2016

Cleaning up and Cleaning House.

Part 1

Lie back and relax while you play out this fantasy.

A tidy, streamlined closet with absolutely everything in its place..

Mmmm..tell me more you sexy beast…

Organized, folded drawers that allow for easy access to ALL your clothes not just the ones on top…

Ohhh god right there…yesssss…I like it like that…I’ve just never had it like that…

Space, to actually put things neatly in places like toy chests, desks, and storage areas…

Oh my god…Oh my god….Ohh Ohhh Ohhhh god yes PLEASE…

A chance to ease the chaos in your mind…

Sweet Jesus..that talk is so dirty it’s clean…

A beautiful, decluttered house that sparks joy everywhere and allows for you to fully breathe through your space.

Yes! Oh my God! Yes! YES!!!! YES!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEESSS!

Come on. Tell you wouldn’t be completely orgasmic to have your house perfectly clean?

Every single thing in its place.

Ohhhhhh I get shivers just thinking of it.

When I first caught wind of the Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, I have to say I was a skeptic. A pro purger and tidy-upper, words like “Spark Joy” wasn’t sparking anything with me. I’m pretty sure the words “Spark Joy, my ass it does” came out of my mouth as curiosity got the best of me and I went out to buy the book.

I did the Kon Mari purge exactly one year ago and every time I wanted to write my take on the process, I realized there was larger story to be told.

One big thing kept bothering me through the experience and I couldn’t put my finger on it till recently.

The first (and most important) thing to understand about doing Kon Mari is that Marie Kondo was most definitely NOT a mother when she initially wrote this.

Don’t get me wrong, the satisfaction when you’ve completed the Kon Mari process is beyond your wildest dreams. It is however, most definitely a process. One that exponentially grows the more people you have to care for in your family. Marie Kondo’s account of tidying up and clearing your space relates to one person’s clutter. A family of clutter is a whole other ball game.

I love things to be quick & easy. Get me on the Googles or the YouTubes and I am one happy camper. I totally recommend buying the book, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying-Up. It will give you great insights on the why to things like Spark Joy and letting go. Want to watch her How-To’s. Easy. They are right here.

However , for those of you who are just looking for the Coles Notes version so that you can jump in and get ‘er done, I will be publishing a complete package of (discoveries, tears, messes and all) in this Kon Mari like a Mother Series of posts.

You can laugh along with my live streaming YouTube videos or you can read the posts as you wish. The videos are simply to let you know that yes, I experienced the same things as you are going through now.

What I CAN say as well, is that it really is worth it doing Kon Mari. It helped calm my mind, & improved many of the ways in which we manage our lives better. It helped us examine the way we function as a family, how we spend our dollars and where our focus/values sat. It showed me patterns of behavior and places we could do better. It even helped us “let go” of a lot more than we ever thought possible.

In fact, it really did change our lives.

Family Matters Kids Corner Real Life

What We Learned This Summer – The Science of Being Busy

by Jenn & Chris on September 3, 2016

Summer was good. Really good.

I don’t know if it’s because we are leaving soon but this summer felt very special.

Like we had done something right. We had figured out the science of busy, but this summer spent time in a whole new classroom and this is what we learned.

The importance of letting go of BUSY

We have all been guilty of “being busy”. That busy easily creates when we are just so fucking tired we have to cancel on dinner/lunch/coffee/drinks/get togethers/theatre dates/you name it. More often than not that busy stems from the work you are doing, not the fun you are having. So here’s a stinker: If tomorrow is your funeral, do you think anyone is going to stand up and say “They did a great job of being busy”? No. They will not.

Society has taught us that busy behaviour. Now it seems, everything needs to be scheduled, plans need to be made, children constantly are asking to be amused. (How many of you were ready to push your kids in the lake if they asked one more time, what should we do now?) We are busy monsters who have created busy monsters. We are so ingrained in doing instead of being that it feels like a guilty pleasure to just relax for a second.

This spring, we made the decision to not schedule the kids for anything. Not one single parks & rec program or camp. Slowing the pace down and simply enjoying time together was one of the most difficult & most rewarding parts of this summer. It took a shift in perspective to make all the difference. Here I was so concerned about the “should” and doing stuff that I was missing out. Missing out on the point that giving the people I was with my undivided attention was ACTUALLY what I was supposed to be doing. When the people became the focus, the gratitude came along with it. We made it our intention to carve out time with good friends, and to relish in making memories with them.

Memories like these will last a lifetime for these two

We learned: The value of time (& how precious it is). Appreciation of good friends and how important they are to your life. Being in the now. Being an active listener allows us to truly connect deeply in conversations & dialogue.

Nothing is at it seems on social media

I have to admit the dew fell off the rose a bit when I learned that an instagrammer that I really admired ran their photos through 6 different photo and filtering apps before they publish. Yes, they are beautiful and largely because of those filters but I am really enjoying the raw parts of life these days.

Facebook updates account for very little of real life. It is so easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing & Facebook knows that. That’s why they give you all kinds of algorithmic sponsored content that completely freak you out and start those “should” feelings again pretty fast.

Social can be a place for bullies, opinions, and tormentors. The content can lead to misunderstanding when how it is read differs from how it was intended to be read. I have may have alienated some friends because we have differing political, gender and race views. So be it. Dialogue is important, essential in fact, but there will always be someone with a different opinion.

Social accounts for 1% of someone’s life. There are so many layers below the surface that its important to remember that you never know anyone else’s story. Take time to connect on a deeper level. This summer was an odd one in which people shared so many stories that seemed completely counter to what they were posting online. Many times there were cries for help and a deep sense of sadness lurking beneath the surface of the happy public posts.

We learned: Don’t believe the hype. It’s important to speak your voice to support causes you believe in. Compassion, for us, is at the core of our value system and one exercised deeply this summer.

Father & son moments that will catch you right in the throat

You are what you eat.

I know of already knew this one. No truer is that statement than after a summer delightfully full of Coronas, G & T’s, Prosecco, Sangria, Backyard BBQ, Late night chips over Sequence at the cottage and patio lunches with friends. It has been an absolutely fabulous summer and we enjoyed it all. No regrets.

We learned: Not to be angry with ourselves. September is our chance to reset. Healthy, clean eating is on the menu. Daily workouts are a focus for us to work towards getting stronger.

Other things I learned this summer

Being open, honest & candid about one’s life can be actually one of the most freeing things in the world
Gratitude fills you up fuller than any meal
Giving back & paying it forward are two of the most important lessons we can teach
Nature is the best playground to play in
Taking on a challenge and seeing it through can give you a HUGE sense of accomplishment & a big dose of what were you thinking
That I like to Soca dance but can’t get my hips moving the way I want them to (see: Whining)
Music can bring a country together and that saying goodbye to The Tragically Hip kind of felt like an official goodbye to my youth
Recovery takes a lot longer than I realized (& I suck at patience)
Finally getting a breast reduction after so many years of thinking about it makes me wonder what took me so long?
Asking for help has been one of my biggest challenges.
I have an amazing husband and friends who when you actually ASK for help are SO there
Time really doesn’t stand still for anyone. Waiting for something to happen holds you back on enjoying what’s happening now.
Life is beautiful.

Real Life

To The Friend Who Doesn’t Want to Be a Burden

by Jenn & Chris on August 24, 2016

The Return of Real Friendship

We were out for dinner, catching up on a long overdue series of updates on what was happening in our lives. Social media lead the prompts as we reviewed what we “knew” of what was going on with each other & asked more top of line questions. As you described a heart-wrenching account of a situation with your child, you started to cry. The pain and heartache I saw in your eyes told your story far deeper than you could possibly share. And then you said those words, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to burden you with all of this”.

Oh my lovely. As if listening to a dear friend share their sadness (& with that a possibility that we could provide some small relief by talking it through) would be a burden?

But we all think like that these days don’t we?

The advent of social media, one in which we send status updates that accrues barely 1% of our lives, has added an extra layer to our onion.

Taking a risk and peeling it back to tell the honest goods? The straight up truths? The aches & pains that are normal & natural parts of going through life? That’s too much rain on someone else’s parade.

Only its not.

That’s real friendship.

THAT is the depth & breadth by which you can measure one who truly is a friend. The person who is wanting and willing to get into it with you. The ones who can give you a sense of comfort in talking through the ugly, the messiness of all of it, the stigmas, the joys and the sorrows.

But the catch is, you need to feel comfortable sharing yourself (& all your warts) with your friends. It’s icky sometimes, sure, but walking through your issues with a friend can make the difference between life is over and life has tremendous possibilities. You often just need that different perspective to weigh in on the problem.

Over the last couple of years, I functioned through a pretty serious case of situational depression and unsettling anxiety attacks. It took me a long time (& a lot of trust with some very special friends) to admit or talk about any of that because I too didn’t want to be a burden. When I would dip my toe in and mention it to someone, the amount of times I got back “but on Facebook you always look like you have your shit together” was pretty astronomical. OY. Listen, we ALL have burdens. Everyone has things/crap/shit they are dealing with and absolutely nobody is posting their entire life’s story on social media. If you are like me, I don’t believe in adding more negative content to an already full internet cesspool. So I only try to bring positive in the things I say online.

This summer, we made extra efforts to reconnect with those dear to us & work on peeling back the onion to the way it used to be. To talk, openly & honestly about what’s going on. Those “burdens” we have been so reticent to share are nothing but in our heads. The moments we have embraced together before we go away seem to have a special sweetness to them. We know these are memories we will carry with us on our trip, filling our hearts with gratitude and love.

Friendship needs more than the occasional text, snap or status update. Like any relationship, they need to be fuelled & fanned to continue that flame. If you truly are a friend to someone, think about how you can reach out to them and reconnect. Work through each other’s issues together. Talk, cry, hug and laugh through it all. Talk for hours. Lend your ear to listen to a friend so that they might feel comfortable doing the same.

I don’t want another status update of you. I want you (warts and all :))

Let’s get back to reality.

Real Life

A Chance to Say Goodbye to The Tragically Hip

by Jenn & Chris on August 14, 2016

And connecting with the NOW

Mom Says:

I have been tripping the light nostalgic a lot these days.

Much has happened this year that could be influencing these visits down memory lane but I know that I have felt a bit of that in-your-bones-sadness since seeing the Hip live last week.

It could very well be that we are moving out of our house of 10 years, (the house that we have raised our children), in less than a month.
It could be we are changing this part of our life and leaving soon. Heading out on an adventure around the globe and learning about life in a whole new way.
It could be that the last few years have brought much loss. The passing of a dear friend & so many of my friends losing moms, dads, family & friends.
It could be how many people we know (& who we consider still young) are battling disease & illness, some winning and some not so lucky.
It could be in part mourning the loss of so many creative artists lately that shaped a big part of the soundtrack of our lives.

I was deeply sad with Bowie. I cried hard about Prince.

But this time, I got a chance to say goodbye.

To Gord and to a band that bleeds Canadian with me as deeply as a Tim Horton’s coffee or the (old) Hockey Night in Canada theme. Growing up a prairie girl in Manitoba, so many of The Tragically Hip’s songs hold a special place. Honestly, they do for so many of us. They bring back instant memories, rewinding us to the days of youthful ignorance and moments that now seem a lot less complicated than we originally thought.

We had the incredible fortune of securing tickets to two Tragically Hip shows on their final tour in both Winnipeg & Toronto. Without hesitation, we headed back to my hometown of Winnipeg to see the concert, an experience that I have been unable to describe as anything but magic. It was joyously memorable, incredibly fun, a good old reunion and completely full of heartache as Gord walked off the stage that last time. The band was so wonderfully connected. The love between them obvious and Gord’s ability to soak in that moment truly was phenomenal. It was a gift. A big one.

If you aren’t able to see a show live, be sure to watch their final show in Kingston on CBC, August 20th

It felt so special to us that we ended up giving up our Toronto show tickets because it felt important for as many people as possible to be witness to this final, beautiful goodbye.

Here is what we did with the tickets. They ended up being given to a lovely friend who moved her whole family up north to care for her mother in her dying days. An achingly sad anniversary she hit only days before the concert.

Something about this year has changed me. All of these parts have woken me up to the notion that time is truly finite. That our lives can change in a heartbeat and with that, all the plans we had made for the future might not take shape.

Respecting that means that we take action now. Those dreams? We work on fulfilling them now.

We try our best to live in the now.

The moments we now say goodbye comes with reflections of how special those people are in our life and that gratitude is the one of the most important things we can carry with us.

I am surprised by how many Hip lyrics hit a different cord now. The words mean even more about living life fully completely.

Courage, it couldn’t come at a worse time.

Let’s just see what tomorrow brings..

No dress rehearsal, This is our life.

As we say goodbye, all I can say is Thank you guys. For everything.

Dad Says:

So, the last hip show.

Well, it was everything I expected. Emotional, poignant, hyper fun, and it brought back a pantload of memories. Masonic Temple, 1990 I think. Sweaty, over 50 degrees, what a night. Buffalo, NY, , surrounded by a couple classy americans and and a wackload of canucks, rocking it out. Let’s go back to the beginning, Roadside attraction, with Midnight Oil and Crash Vegas and who could forget Hothouse Flowers..

That was a lot of fun, but it wasn’t always. There was a time in my life where I got too much Hip. I worked at the campus pub through university, and there was a Cancon requirement, which meant we got a lot of interesting music, and a tonne of Tragic. Too much, in fact. Every shift we were given the opportunity to revisit New Orleans, get some Courage, and blow some High Dough…

Winnipeg shows their love for Canada's favourite band — Winnipeg shows their love for Canada’s favourite band

Just too much. Likens back to my days at Planet Hollywood, where the same repeated music video loop did the same thing to Stevie Wonder Superstitious, which should be a criminal act….

But I regress. The concert was awesome and others will write about it better than I, but I think I may be getting old, and I am certainly getting judgey. There was the lady in front of me, who didn’t put her phone down once the whole show. I felt like she was missing what the best part of the experience was. Seriously, take a few snaps and get in the now!

Those updating their statuses. How can you clap with your phone in your hand?

But there was also the good. The 2 guys across the way from us, rocking out, crying, singing along. Well played gents, keep it going for Gordie.

Family Matters Real Life Travel

Finding the Edge of Comfortable

by Jenn & Chris on July 19, 2016

When everything feels icky & squirmy & totally uncertain

Mom Says:

I was a bulging, sweating, 8 months pregnant hot mess in the middle of one of the hottest heat waves we have ever experienced. My husband will recount to you tales of woe and suffering as he endured the words “I’M UNCOMFORTABLE!!” more times than I care to remember. It has become a standing joke between us, one that is typically accompanied with boohoos and mockery to indicate said Uncomfortablist is being entirely unreasonable.

On a happier pregnant days — On a happier pregnant day at the cottage

The word comfort has been an enemy in so many ways throughout my life. At the start of our marriage, I would share with my husband (often) my thoughts that the minute we were comfortable, we were done for. Comfortable meant being normal, stagnant, conforming and lacking passion. I didn’t want us to ever get there. I wanted us to strive for date nights and spicy moments so that the notion of comfort would never take hold.

I am often found pushing myself past my comfort zone. Whether it’s skydiving, scuba diving, motorcycling, bungee jumping, or climbing mountains, I have done it all. At the start of every one of these adventures, I am scared poopless. Every. Single. Time. Until I do it & then realize that that wasn’t so bad after all.

The whole fam came out to support me when I jumped out of a plane. I hope we are teaching our kids to be fearless. — The whole fam came out to support me when I jumped out of a plane. My only hope is that we are teaching our kids to be fearless.

I like it & I don’t like it. It feels icky and squirmy and often disagreeable. Yet something about pushing through the hard parts, to conquer and achieve a challenge on the other side makes it so worth the initial grossness of it all.

The thing is, I have started to think of my comfort zone as exactly that. It’s just a zone. It’s not your prison cell. Your zone can take on different shapes or sizes. The more we push, the bigger our space of allowable adventure becomes. We just have to keep pushing out the walls.

As we hit our 3 month window before we leave on our #CuppaRTW Round The World trip, I have recognized I have that uncomfortable feeling once again. This feels new for me because this time it’s not just me getting out of the zone. We as a family are taking this on, all parts of it feel foreign and unsettled.

I have been trying to explore what is actually causing these whirl-a-gig butterflies inside me and I think for the most part I have figured it out.

We are planning to not plan which for a planner makes things all kinds of up in the air. I feel like I’m on a roller coaster that’s pulled out of the station and already on the ride but need to get past the urge to hold my breath through the whole thing because its a long time before its over.
I am curious how we are going to manage surviving as a family 24/7 over the next many months. We are a strong team and we all love each other dearly but we already know we are going to plan for breaks or we will end up killing each other before we get out of South America. We have even invented a safe word to roll out on the days for the kids (or each other) are driving us so batty that we might say something we regret. We are also planning on taking days in which one of us takes the kids and in which we each take one kid to keep things different and exciting.
Very soon, we will no longer have a home. We are letting go & rid of most of our stuff. The grounding stuff. As we start packing up, we are starting to work on how to create a new version of “Home” for us & the kids. We will have no place to come back to and the concept of coming home will now have to truly live in “home is where the heart is”. So how do we teach that to our kids?

I know these are all just growing pains as we start this new chapter in our life. I just can’t wait till my brain is settled on the other side and starts feeling more comfortable (baahaaahaa) with it all.

Climbing Kili was something I thought impossible. Until we did it.

Dad says:

oh, the pain of comfort…

I am, unlike above, comfortable with comfort to a point. The balance I constantly try to strike is to look around and appreciate accomplishments before running off to literally jump of a cliff. There is little joy in a life so hectic that you forget to breathe, look around, smell the roses, you know, LIVE…

Part of joy is enjoy, which is a poorly spelt word that should be in-joy. Get in the moment, relish it, then set you sights on the next adventure.

Family Matters Travel

12 Ways to Survive Disney With Special Needs

by Jenn & Chris on May 20, 2016

For many parents the thought of a Disney Vacation brings visions of apocalyptic temper tantrums, crying, hungry and over-tired children.

For parents of children with special needs top that with a tenfold of anticipated stress and anxiety that accompanies the thought of maintaining a manageable environment while “doing Disney”.

Our main goal was to make this trip as easy and enjoyable as possible. Thinking through the many catalysts that could trigger a breakdown & the tools that we could use to manage them, here’s how to take the cringe-worthy worry out, survive Disney with special needs, and keeping everyone smiling.

12 Ways to Survive Disney with Special Needs

1) Teach Spontaneity

I know this sounds kind of ridiculous but kids with Special Needs (especially ASD/Autism) thrive on routine. Yet life doesn’t adhere to a particular schedule no matter how hard you try. We spent a lot of time prior to the trip working on “what if’s” and “Big deal or little deal?” scenarios. Our goal was to get the kids ready for plans not working out the way they should and keep expectations of routine low.

Kids traveling by boat to Disney — Another way to get to & from Disney is by boat from the Polynesian

2) Be Strategic

As we started planning, we looked at the busiest traffic times of Disney and chose one of the lowest of the year. This allowed for low volume line-ups and often discounts on packages and accommodations. We think this is one of the MOST important parts of being able to survive Disney with special needs.

For the record, we went Sun-Thurs the first week of November which rarely saw a line-up over 20-30 minutes & allowed us to experience many more rides in a day.

3) Make it EASY

We booked our flights and hotel using Expedia, which offered comparisons and made choosing simple and quick. To save money, we flew out of Buffalo to Orlando, and then took the Magic Bus to Disney. This direct and comfortable shuttle system took our luggage straight to our hotel, and our bags were delivered shortly after we arrived directly to our room. This made getting through the airport a snap, which is rather incredible and definitely something I recommend for anyone travelling with children, special needs or not.

4) Stay on site

We chose The Polynesian Resort for a couple of key reasons. The first, is that it is one of three on-site resorts that connect to Disney via the Monorail. We got an incredible deal for a multi-family room making access to and from the park quick, easy and fun throughout the day. It is also the best resort to watch the fireworks nightly with a perfect sightline to the show without the overwhelming loudness and crowds inside the park.

Bedroom at The Polynesian Resort - Disney World — Our Multi-Generational Room included 2 Double Beds, A pull out, Fridge and Microwave

5) The Magicband

Shopping at the Animal Kingdom - Disney World — Shopping inside Disney World was an easy distraction

Staying on site also gives you access to the Magicband that goes with booking at any Disney World Resort. Truly one of Disney’s smartest additions to the park and makes life so simple with customized Disney experience. Your Magicband is everything. From your hotel room key, FastPass+ access, your wallet throughout all the resorts and Disney World. You are able to purchase food, drinks & souvenirs in Disney using the Magicband which made walking around so much easier.

6) FastPass +

The FastPass is a god-send for special needs parenting as it allows you to pre-book 3 rides in advance each day. This can be done via the Disney app, and provides a specific time you are “reserved” to head to the ride. Any opportunity where we can prevent angsty waiting is incredibly powerful in our world.

*FastPass+ bookings can be done 30 Days in advance.

7) Disney Parks Disability Access Service Card (DAS Card)

The DAS Card allows persons with special needs, be they apparent or not, to arrive at a ride and receive a time to come back. So instead of standing in line for an hour, we could leave and come back later, which reduced our wait time in the actual line considerably, and gave us the flexibility to do other things that would contribute to our Disney visit in a positive way. We got ice cream, saw characters, took a bathroom break, shopped and occasionally just sat down for a rest till it was time to go back to the ride.

Grand Entrance & Intro show - Disney World — Just past this entrance to the left is the area you apply for a DAS, to the right is Mickey Mouse

Finding Fairy Godmother just behind the castle - Disney World, survive Disney with special needs — You will find Fairy Godmother just past the castle

8) Take Breaks

Staying so close also allowed us to choose when we were going to take some “breaks”, heading back to the hotel pool to refresh and regroup, providing some peaceful downtime before we headed back to the park. With the Monorail 5-7 minutes to the park, it allowed us the flexibility we needed to manage those moments where we thought we were hitting our limit.

9) Use meal/snack times as distractors

One of the most difficult and often stressful parts of traveling with a special needs child is eating out, with unfamiliar foods and lack of routine, so we opted out of the meal plan to avoid the food lines, choosing instead to rent a car and drive to a nearby Target for familiar and healthy lunch/snacking foods. The fridge in our room allowed for us to start every day with a quiet, calm breakfast and we used food in the park to keep the kids busy while waiting.

10) Noise cancelling headphones

A number of the rides at Disney can be loud and jarring, so we packed a pair of noise cancelling headphones in the event that things got too much. This gave our son a chance to deeply cushion the incredible sensory experiences going on around him.

survive Disney with special needs, Noise-Cancelling Headphones are the perfect solution for Autism at Disney — The headphones worked amazing at places like the Stunt Show at Disney Studios.

11) Have a flexible plan

Getting to the park early and choosing the most popular rides first was our strategy and we were able to enjoy them without ridiculous wait times. We tried to keep the rides balanced to reduce sensory overload, and if we did a closed, fast paced or loud ride, we would follow it with an open and slower ride that would be more relaxing and lower growing excitement levels. There will be moments you need to adapt. Just stay checked in with your kids and see what they can handle.

12) Breathe & Enjoy

The attendants and everyone we encountered at Disney were amazing, with customer experience obviously a priority. This is supposed to be fun for the whole family. So do as best you can to plan ahead, let routine go, let it flow, enjoy the moments and you too can have a Magical Disney vacation.

Real Life

The many moods of quarantine.

Maldives on a Budget

The Naked Truth.

How to #KonMari your Digital Media

Gift Guide for the Adventure Traveler/Camper

Can Social Media and Mindfulness Share the Same Space?

How to Kon Mari Like a Mother ….

Cleaning up and Cleaning House.

Part 1

What We Learned This Summer – The Science of Being Busy

A Chance to Say Goodbye to The Tragically Hip

And connecting with the NOW

Finding the Edge of Comfortable

When everything feels icky & squirmy & totally uncertain

Mom Says:

12 Ways to Survive Disney With Special Needs

For many parents the thought of a Disney Vacation brings visions of apocalyptic temper tantrums, crying, hungry and over-tired children.

12 Ways to Survive Disney with Special Needs