Jenn & Chris – Page 10 – Mom Dad CuppaKids

Birthdays & The Gift of Friendship

by Jenn & Chris on August 5, 2015

TAKING THE TIME TO TELL THOSE WHO HAVE GIVEN YOU A GIFT IN LIFE

I have been waking up at 4:20am almost every day. Yes I know. The irony of the time isn’t lost on me but now its about getting older/sleepless nights than it is celebrating a certain international time of day.

It’s the quietest time of day and one where I somehow find it easiest to talk to Tracy.

I often start my conversations with her with “I miss you. I miss your giggle. I love you. I’m sorry.”

I think of what I wish I had said to her. I wish I had told her more often how important she was to me. I wish I had told her how I adored her kind heart, her sense of humour and her generous, thoughtful nature. She always made the effort and took the time to tell those around her. Good things, kind things, how special you were, how proud she was, how excited she was. She was just that kind of person.

It’s her birthday today and I have been trying to figure out what to do.

It came to me at 4:20.

I want to honour her generosity & kindness by paying it forward. I will take the time to tell friends how much they mean to me. A simple gesture but one that feels right.

And so… To the wonderful people in my life and their gift of friendship:

To Jasmine: I love when we dance together. I love when we explore the world together. Our smiles are infectious, the groove lives in our soul and you are truly our Sister from another Mister.

To Kendra, Alice, Foxy: I am so flippin proud of you and all that you have accomplished. It looks like lately you too have fallen down the rabbit hole and I am beyond excited to meet someone who makes you smile that big.

To Jen: My heart aches with what your family is going through and I think about you every day, wishing & willing Bry to get better. Oh and Sam cheering at the Bomber game. How do you have such a daredevil? 🙂

To Shasta: I think of you & your laugh so often. Heading for fish & chips in our PJ’s in Glasgow, meeting new friends in Temple Bar in Ireland, pretty much every time we are together. I miss you. Let’s get away, even if its for the weekend.

To TLC/Clever: I hear your shriek/laugh in my head and go back to rolling on the floor in the gazebo at the cottage or wandering about the campground at Folk Fest. So many hijinx. I am so sorry for everything you have been going through. This has been such a tough year & I so look forward to giving you a hug in person soon.

To Susie: We have been business bosom buddies for so many years now. Your sarcasm, eloquence in speech & social, love for your family and friends warms my heart so deeply. I am so proud of everything you have kicked ass at.

To Julie: Your strategitude blows my mind. Your heart is big. Thank you for letting me in. #Nuffsaid.

To Carrie, Rocky, Grace & Emma: You guys are like a big cozy warm blanket. So much love and support between us all. I am indebted for life.

To Wendy, Bryan, Jen, Bruce, Shirley, Cliff, Jen & Laird, Tara: Thank you for the day to day & the special occasion friendship. It certainly DOES take a village and I am wholly grateful that you are all part of ours.

To the Eatonville Divas: Ladies! Who’s turn is it? We have to set up something soon. Your camaraderie is so special to my life. This time no fire department ok?

To the Mirvish crew: I am so grateful for our “cultured” moments. They guarantee we connect, they hold so many incredible memories and that is so important to me.

To my Hockey pals: Yes, I love hockey but its the giggles in the locker room after I enjoy most.

To Dan & Erin, Pat & Erin, Greg & Cindy, Mart & Dawn, Del, Paul, Taru & Daniel, Jason & Gillian, Dan & Gill, Drew & Jen, Glyn & Haanita their families and so many more friends:….A family is a group of people you love. Thank you for all being part of ours for so long.

To Marnie, Kristal, Jen, Kim, Nadine: We have gotten to be good friends because of Tracy. I think you all completely rock. I know why she loved you and the hugs & hilarity you bring to the fold.

To Sean, Anna & Avery: We will always be here. We will always be ready to tell you what an amazing mom you had. What a beautiful soul she was. Just say the word.

To Spencer: Your sweetness & enthusiasm over so many things makes my heart sing. You have taught me how to appreciate the little wins. You have taught me joy. I am more grateful than you will ever know.

To Lauren: Your spirit, heart and inner beauty are so gentle and considerate. You are an old soul and I love how much we laugh together. I giggle with you like we are BFF’s and yet you are 7.

To Chris: Whether its Saffron Risotto in Tuscany, Beers in Amsterdam, Crackers at the top of Kili or Coffee on the dock… You are truly my partner. Through it all. My rock. My best friend. My dance partner. #TeamPowell

To My Family: You have to love me. So there. But seriously, I adore you. Our roots are strong and deep.

To the BlissDom Canada community: Your PM’s, DM’s, notes and emails have been some of the sweetest I have read. Thank you for all your incredible support.

One simple gesture.

Gratitude to those who make a difference in your life.

How about you join me if you can? Take one simple moment out of your busy day to send a note of gratitude or love to someone in your life. It would be the best present you could give today.

Happy Birthday T.

Family Matters

Come on. Get Happy.

by Jenn & Chris on July 24, 2015

OUR NEW NORMAL

Mom Says:

This song has been whirling about in the soundtrack of my brain for so many days now.

Is this my subconscious? Or my friend Tracy sending me a message?

Come on. Get Happy.

It’s hard to believe its been 2 months since she passed away.

I have learned through this that grief ebbs & flows. I have dealt with loss in the past but never before has it been with that in-your-bones heartache that comes with an unexpected death. I keep holding on to a wish that she will come back. That this somehow has simply been some sort of gross misunderstanding. But lately, as I come out of my fog, I know that I need to let go. I know that I have to somehow admit that she is gone.

I have had a tremendously difficult time managing through this. Writing a post has seemed trivial, talking on social silly, and somehow finding the words to get back in to the right place weren’t coming.

Instead I just lived in a deep cloud.

But this is so not me.

And I know its not what Tracy would have wanted.

So I am taking steps to get out this funk & back to life. Back to reality.

(See what I did there? Anyone want to break out in a little Fresh Prince of Bel Air? 🙂

A really good cup of coffee makes me happy

I look at life so differently now.

I am so aware of time. How much of it there is, how its spent. Life seems far more fragile and I find myself wanting to focus on where to spend it and how it will make us happy.

View from Galla Lake. This makes me happy.

I am completely intrigued by the Human Connection (Thank you Amanda Palmer), of being gentle and kind to one another, of taking the time to pay it forward. I am working on finding gratitude in every day and finding a healthy lifestyle to set my intentions to (Thank you Dai Manuel).

I love exploring new worlds. Whether that’s a new path at the cottage or a whole new country. To me, those moments of discovery are what makes me whole. They are the moments I am most happy. My amazing husband gets that and just let’s me go with the plan on where we are going next.

Travel - Indian Ocean off the coast of Zanzibar. So Happy — Travel – Indian Ocean off the coast of Zanzibar. So Happy

I am on my way back.

I still cry most days about Tracy. But these days I see her a bit differently. Her tilted head, signature shoulder shrug, brilliant smile and gentle giggle saying “Come on, Get Happy will ya?”

Working on it T. Working on it.

Beautiful memories like this make me happy

Dad says:

Its tough to have someone in distress, and where the cure isn’t in your hands. You can be there for them, support them, take care of the day to day stuff, but when it comes to the timelines for healing, its out of your control. and that part sucks. Might be a guy thing: you always want to fix everything. It makes it especially difficult when Jenn wants to just talk, not solve. It’s not in my makeup, but you go with your gut and try. It’s all you can do.

I can’t repair the loss of Tracy. I can help find a voice for her sadness, and I can make sure there is food in the fridge and we don’t forget the kids at school. But its up to Jenn to discover the new normal. She is trying. She understands that it’s a one shot life, and you have to make the best of it. My job in all this is to remind her that there is light and goodness too, and that you need to take the time for that stuff as well, or the rest of it isn’t worth it.

Family Matters

Smitten – Crushing on your kid

by Jenn & Chris on June 19, 2015

Loving your kids is a given.

They sit etched in your heart with that deep, beautiful love that will never go away.

But I am surprised at times by those moments you realize that you are truly, sincerely falling in love with your kid. Not that parental love but a massive crush. You gaze dreamily at your child as you witness a certain kind of character they are demonstrating. Admiring their virtue and wishing hard that what you see is a little taste of what the future holds, a core value they might hold true for life.

A morning last month started off like most mornings these days. Our lives have been hectic. Near insane in fact with two parents traveling for work, major projects coming to a head. We ran around like mad chickens, prompting getting dressed, pushing our daughter to get moving to brush her hair, reminding the kids of teeth, backpacks, lunches. You know the drill.

Through a serious case of two ships in the night, we both totally glitched on the fact that it was a special field trip day. Completely omitted from our Google calendars/brains/wall book that we had volunteered. We did rock, paper, scissors. We cursed a few times. In the midst of all the crazy, there was our son. Dressed, teeth brushed, hair combed, boots on without any kind of reminders. He sat on his bed looking as pleased as punch. So excited about this field trip and so worried we would be late.

I accepted this sudden change in design of my day, and that I would be the one representing. After all, field trip + public transit + wandering Autism is like my very own version of Fear Factor.

We met our motley crue at the school. One of the members of our group was a sweet, little girl our little man decided was his responsibility to help for the day. My heart skipped a beat as we left the school into the rain. His SNA and I smiled at each other as we watched him pull out his umbrella to shelter both of them on the way to the bus.

My sweet boy and watching over his friend for the day

When we got to the subway, he took her hand. He made sure she stuck with the crowd. He made sure she was taken care of and told her to not to worry, that he had her covered.

Throughout the day, I witnessed him checking in with her to see if she needed help, holding her hand, making me want to weep from his sweet heart.

I saw a kindness and a caring that surprised even me. We see him feel joy all the time when he does good things for others. Whether its reading to the little kids in daycare, or happiness when he has a special moment for a friend, he is a good kid.

This was different. Without encouragement he put effort into making his friend secure and safe. You could tell caring for kids makes his heart zing and that.. makes mine.

My happiness for the day couldn’t change after that.

In the simplest of ways, he brought back my faith in humanity. In the quietest of ways, he made my heart swell for him.

When one person simply cares about the welfare of another.

For that, I am totally smitten.

Falling in love with this smile over and over again

Family Matters

The Grief in Losing a Friend

by Jenn & Chris on May 30, 2015

Aimlessly I drag myself around the grocery store, lost in a sea of tears.

A large gaping hole the size of the moon in place of my stomach, my heart pounding so hard I’m sure any minute its going to break out of my chest.

I think I might puke, save for the obscenities I am screaming to every stranger that walks by with a smile. Well, at least I am screaming in my head.

This..Is… Grief.

Grief like I have never experienced before. Grief that feels so deep, so dark I’m not sure I will come out of it.

I lost one of my best friends in the world this past week. An unexpected tragedy of epic proportions.

Her name was Tracy.

Tracy and I had our first babies across the hall from each other. Although our husbands met with a quick hello in the hallway, it wasn’t until 6 weeks later that we connected at a New Moms Group by the hospital. To hear Tracy tell the story when all the rest of the new moms walked in, she was intimidated. She thought we all had our shit together and were rocking motherhood while she thought she was a hot mess. How I tell it is that I walked in and saw one of the most genuine smiles I have ever witnessed in my life, a friendly in the war of surviving motherhood. A state where we were ALL a hot mess.

Our Mom's Group story in Today's Parent — Our Mom’s Group story in Today’s Parent

Every week we would meet. I coveted those days as a much needed check-in. After the mom’s group finished, we set up a weekly meet up at a park nearby. Tracy’s daughter and my son were the finicky ones which led to us having to stop halfway through our walks, feed or calm them having many a chat before catching up with the group.

Fairy parties are best when done with great friends

It solidified our friendship.

We spent the next 9 years in the throes of motherhood together. Between managing birthday schedules (Each of our kid’s birthdays are one day apart), theatre adventures, BBQ’s, dinners and so much more, our friendship developed into one chock full of love and respect.

If you have read anything about Tracy, you know that she was a beautiful, giving person. But I sit here now and only wish she knew the kind of loving impact she made on so many people. How good she made them feel. How good of a friend she truly was.

Friendship is everything to me. These are people you choose to be part of your life. People who give you a gift in knowing them. Yet somehow along the way, you get busy. Social updates become your feeder, text your touch base. You compromise time in person because you are building a business, or travelling or family time is crucial given the limited space and time you have available between hockey games and soccer practice. Because you are tired and life feels too busy. Tracy’s gift was taking the time to show you how important you were to her and she was pushing for us to have some time together. In person. I can’t tell you how deeply my heart regrets that I let life get in the way and that we didn’t have more time for those real life moments.

The best friendship I ever witnessed was how she felt about Sean

THE GESTURE OF FRIENDSHIP

Signs are everywhere that Tracy is still close by. Finding a lost necklace from her, Bon Jovi on the radio, the woman behind us at Starbucks named Tracy. I feel like each moment is her sweet gesture of trying to let me know its OK.

I couldn’t be getting through this grief without the kindness and gestures of the friends I have. Simple check-ins, sending texts, sending love and hugs, trying to find ways to make me smile. My heart feels so heavy and they made me feel loved and cared for, like I have been covered in a big warm blanket of support. Tracy will be a constant reminder to take the time to tell these friends just how special they are.

A CIRCLE OF FRIENDS

The night before Tracy’s funeral, we went to a gathering of her closest friends. We laughed, talked, hugged and cried our way through remembering and telling stories from different facets of her life. We all knew about each other because that was one of the most amazing things about Tracy. She was always so great at telling you how proud she was of her friends. At one point, we were surprised how easily and quickly we all got along. Of course we did. We all loved Tracy. And we were lucky enough that she had chosen each of us to be her friend.

I live in a circle of new friends. Together we ache in union for a soul sister. For someone who gave us each her heart and captured ours with her beauty and her sweetness.

For that I am forever grateful.

Love you T.

When our worlds collided and Tracy became a wonderful part of BlissDom

Healthy Living

Paddle The Don – A new found love

by Jenn & Chris on May 7, 2015

Mom Says:

Giving back to the community.

Consideration for our environment.

How to create change.

Exploration & Adventure.

All of these values are ones very near and dear to our hearts. They are at the core of our family and ones we strive for as we guide our kids to seek answers, challenge themselves and be grateful for all that we have.

The morning of Paddle the Don brought a beautiful war sunshine

We were given an incredible reminder of all of these this past Sunday when we participated in Manulife’s Paddle The Don event. #PaddleTheDon happens once a year when the Toronto and Region Conservation Authority opens up the water gates to allow a fleet of kayaks and canoes to travel downstream to the Keating Channel. The event is an opportunity to bring together a variety of different walks of life for a common goal: understanding the importance of the GTA watershed system. And this matters a lot.

The day started off with a launch party at E. T. Seton Park with Kathleen Wynne opening the event. She is an avid supporter of Paddle The Don and has paddled for many years to support this great cause.

As we marshalled towards the launch point, we had the good fortune of having an incredible TRCA guide, Dana in our canoe. Dana himself is quite an enigma having done a 5,500 km Cross-Canada canoe trip with a group of friends from university. He not only was an expert paddler but an expert in the geological, historical and environmental impacts that has happened to the Don River over many years.

Over the next 2 hours, we were given a gift in participating in Paddle The Don. We had a chance to experience and see the river in a completely different light. We learned about her. We got to better understand how much she has taken on and what needs to be considered to help make for positive change. (Thank you so much Dana!)

Discovery of Victorian Era garbage showed the legacy and impact pollution can make on this beautiful river.

As cars raced down the DVP, we didn’t notice a bit. Instead we heard birds singing, we enjoyed the scenery and the quiet of the river. We greeted the river in the morning with curiosity and by the end had fallen smitten with her. There was a tremendous sense of community between fellow paddlers, volunteers and organizers. Its was like we all realized what a warrior the Don River had been, we saw her war wounds from the many battles she encountered and we wanted to let her know we had her back.

Enjoy a whole new Toronto experience as we traversed down the river

We are deeply grateful for Manulife supporting us to participate in this event. Watching how their sponsorship and employee involvement will help to directly create change for good in the Don Valley Watershed makes us awfully proud to be working with such a great group of people.

We definitely know where we will be this time next year!

Dad Says:

Ok…Paddle The Don?

First time I got wind of this I immediately thought it was some kind of Fraternity prank, an outlawed hazing practice. I needed to get more information.

And did I…

Over the past few years we have been exposed to some extreme weather in the GTA: I remember the flash storm that backed up water across the city, wrecking basements and stranding travellers.

Pollution, Flooding, Erosion are all foes the Don River has to fight against

Some more than others…

Why is this sort of thing happening? Well, we have over the past 200 years taken a porous, lush garden and essentially paved 99% of it, leaving little place for the water and rain to seep into the soil naturally. It is now ushered and driven into some manmade areas designed to literally stem the tide, and sometimes it gets overwhelmed. We have taken streams and removed them, creating culverts and pipes. We take rivers and straighten them out, adding bends to accommodate industry. We have messed with Mother Nature and she is a bit put out, and not afraid to show it.

Climate change is happening, and extreme weather is continually becoming more common. The TRCA has a great challenge ahead of them as they work to establish patterns of weather behaviour in an environment that is becoming increasingly difficult to forecast.

In addition, tributaries that lead into the Don are often polluted and feeding into a river that needs to protect itself against the impact. Between weather, pollution and urbanization we have seen the impact it has on the watershed.

Gearing up and ready to head out with many a corporate challenge team

Luckily, days like Sunday come along to remind us of the importance of the Don and seeing ways that environmental consideration will help to make a difference.

We were very lucky in having Dana with us as we were able to drill down deeper into the history of the river. We saw where glaciers had compressed the soil and rock, where industry had added its layers, the ultimately futile attempts at controlling erosion, and get a glimpse into the status of the river today. The experience was great, with some rapids adding to the excitement of the day. Luckily we stayed mostly dry for the trip.

Manulife has taken the lead on this event, and huge credit to them for it. This is a tangible show of corporate conscience, and everyone from the volunteers to the executives we met certainly seemed excited about working in the community to a common goal. Well done to all!

Volunteers were a major part of this awesome experience

Special shout out to the Boy Scouts who helped with canoes at the portages too; I don’t know what badge you get for helping a bundle of stiff bones with aquatic gear, but you earned it in spades!

So many Manulife employees took time to be a part of this great initiative.

Finished and famished after a great few hrs on the river.

Family Matters

Parenting Conversations – The Tough Mother

by Jenn & Chris on May 6, 2015

Also known as CONVERSATIONS I REALLY DON’T WANT TO HAVE…

Parenting has been hella hard this week.

We’re pretty easy going. Our style is to encourage our kids to be respectful, to be generous and to be kind. We talk openly with our kids about periods, penises, and current affairs. If they ask, we shape the parenting conversation as best we can to be straight up but also find examples and understanding that fits for their age.

But there have been conversations this week that have completely challenged us as parents. ALL the hard ones rolled up in one frickin frackin day.

The first was with our daughter and involved the current protest of parents of the new TDSB Sex education curriculum. She asked us why there were so many kids missing from her class. After darting a look at my husband to check in that we were on the same page, I explained that some people didn’t like the kind of stuff they would be learning about in class about health and sex. Let’s just say it like it is right?

I asked her if they had ever discussed different kinds of families, how a mommy & daddy aren’t always the norm? She said sure and comfortably went on to talk about a book about a mom & a dad, or 2 moms or 2 dads. I explained what the terms of like homosexuality and being gay meant, and to us as long as there is love in a family, that’s all that ever counts. OK…that wasn’t so hard.

We then talked about the fact that the curriculum brings an earlier introduction into the health conversation about puberty. Once I explained puberty (really? today we have this talk?) I also told her we thought that talking about this is 100% necessary. We talked about when I was growing up, the average age for a girl to get her period was 14-15. How that average now sits at 12 and girls are getting their periods as early as 8 (WTH??) . (The fact that my 7 year old could be starting to go through this next year AND the fact that with a period comes the possibility to conceive completely ….blows…my mind ). This is a natural evolution in society. For us the open dialogue is crucial especially when the internet can provide so many WRONG versions of the pieces of information we want them to explore. We want to prepare our kids for what comes next and be the ones guiding those topics.

This conversation has elicited many more this week and by Tuesday night I have hit my wine quota for the week already.

MY daughter also thinks they should become YouTubers. How do you have sex talks with innocence like this?

So….those were tough. And just as I was patting myself on the back for handling those well, my husband looked at me and says “I think its time we tell our son he has Autism”.

What? Now??

This particular conversation for us has been circling for awhile now. As much as Autism demonstrates kids often being unaware, we were starting to notice all too much just HOW aware our guy was becoming that he is different. We have had too many moments on the playground. We have seen him question a ton why something he had said made kids laugh so hard or why he kept getting into trouble for daydreaming. It was time and we wanted to arm him with the tools of understanding so that his beautiful generous heart doesn’t continue getting crushed.

We have a pattern. We talk for awhile, we circle around a topic and then BOOM! one day we just go off and get ‘er done. We did that in buying a house, in buying a car, in going skydiving, in going on trips and apparently in telling our kid he has something that will be with him for his lifetime.

He is doing so incredibly well at school with an amazing supportive tech-savvy teacher. We have supported him as best we could, made him feel loved and deeply cared for, and given him comfort and confidence to have a strong sense of self. But this was massive. It was like standing at the dock right before a polar bear swim. You know its going to be awful, (to make that leap) but you also know it will feel great on the other side.

And so we leapt.

And as much as life is always like that, it was done. All that angst, and worry and late night conversations about how and BOOM! there it was.

It wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t as bad as we thought and to the wise words that many an Autism mom has shared, in many ways was a big relief.

There are still 1,000 conversations for us to have but my lesson is that the first step is always the hardest. We have finally started down this path in the right direction. I just didn’t realize this route would start with such a tough mother f*cker.